Dental Hygiene
by moonlitelm
Summary: Clyde’s been playing professional football for years. Hell, it was all he could do. No long lasting injuries had even been inflicted. Full grown men didn’t hurt him – but somehow…somehow, Stan’s twelve year old son had managed to chip his tooth. A trip


Well as we all know, I have to multitask in order to complete things. Soo, while I AM working on Run Away, I am going to be doing a lot of one shots. So y'all have to deal, cause I say so :P

Pairing: Cartman/Clyde

Rating: T for swearing [although really people, its South Park. Get over yourselves]

Summary: Clyde's been playing professional football for years. Hell, it was all he _could_ do. No long lasting injuries had even been inflicted. Full grown men didn't hurt him – but somehow…somehow, Stan's twelve year old son had managed to chip his tooth. A trip to the dentist…was definitely in order.

*

Clyde grumbled as his tongue rolled along the inside of his mouth. His teeth were fucked up, sure – it came from eating too much junk food, and too little time brushing – but still. A chip? A giant chunk of his tooth was missing! It looked horrible. It hurt too.

He couldn't eat ice cream. Ice cream hurt. Oh dear fucking God, what was the world coming to, when Clyde Donovan of all people couldn't eat ice cream?

And all because Stan's little brat decided it would be fun to play smashy smashy with his face and a baseball bat.

Little fucker.

If it hadn't been Stan's kid, Clyde would have smacked the shit out of the little bastard. But it was Stan's kid, and even though they had never been close as children, they were team mates. And team mates did not beat up each others children. It was just…well, rude.

Clyde sighed deeply as he stared at the Gates of Hell. Well, okay. They were the doors to the South Park Dental Clinic. To him, it was hell. He hadn't been to a dentist since he was eighteen, and his mother had forced him too…

Well, at least it was covered on his benefits. He could just go in, get the tooth capped, then be gone. Simple as that.

He finally worked up the courage to enter Hells Gates. He walked in slowly, scowling at the clean, dental hygienic smell. Bah – who the fuck needed clean teeth?

"Oh my God. Clyde?" A shrill voice screeched from his left. He turned his head to stare at Bebe.

Her boobs were larger than ever, and her top was the lowest he'd ever seen. She filled his image of the slutty secretary perfectly. His eyes roamed over her chest appreciatively "Hey Beeebe." He purred.

"When I saw Donovan, I totally thought it was your dad!" She ran out from behind the desk, arms flinging around his neck. He shuddered in pleasure as her breasts were pressed against his chest. Ah, Bebe. How he loved that girl.

"Yeah, it's me…"

"The dentist says he wants to do a routine check up too, since he can't find any recent records." She said, shoving him towards a hallway "Third door on the right. Bye handsome!"

Clyde snorted to himself as he walked through the door. He hung his coat up on a hanger, before taking place in the Chair of Doom. He laid there, nervous, before the door creaked open.

"Well, well, well."

Clyde's body tensed as he turned towards the source of the voice. "Oh Jesus Christ…"

*

Cartman smirked as he stared at Clyde. The other man looked scared shitless. His eyes were wide, he was sweating, and Eric swore he could see the poor guys arms shaking. "Clyde, it's so _nice_ to see you." He drawled, looking down at his chart.

"C-Cartman?"

"I prefer Eric now, actually. Or Doctor." Eric shook his head in amusement.

"When the fuck…"

"Well Clyde, it's quite simple. You see." Eric paused for effect, giving the man a dark glare. It was just way too fun to scare the shit out of his clients. "You see…I realised, long ago, that if I couldn't be Hitler's replacement, I'd have to find another outlet for my…sadistic needs."

He watched Clyde gulp, could see his Adams apple bobbing.

"So I decided the best way to legally cause pain. Of course, I could have joined the military. But that would have put _me_ in harms way. Being a dentist seemed the only logical solution." He chuckled, grabbing something out of a drawer. "Open your mouth Clyde."

"Why?!" The man shouted, a panicked look on his face. Even as children, Cartman had been a force to be reckoned with. No way was he letting that bastard into his mouth. Lord knows what he'd do…

"I need to take X-Rays Clyde." Eric rolled his eyes, reaching a strong hand out to grasp Clyde's chin. Most people were intimidated by his massive hands – he had dislocated a little girl's jaws once…

But Clyde was a big boy, and Eric was sure he could handle having his mouth stretched wide open. "Open wiiiide Clyyyyde." Eric sang, grinning down at his vic- patient.

Clyde cautiously popped his mouth open, eye twitching when Eric's fingers slid in to spread his jaw further. The man was surprisingly gentle, pressing the little pieces of plastic whatever into his mouth. "Bite down" Eric murmured, smiling when Clyde did as told. "That's a good boy…Now stay."

The bulkier man made his way to the other side of the wall, quickly pressing a few buttons.

They worked their way through three X-Rays, before they had a mishap.

Eric was trying to X-Ray the back teeth in Clyde's mouth. His fingers pressed under his tongue, towards the back of his throat.

Clyde groaned.

*

Clyde felt an embarrassed flush slide onto his face as the noise escaped his throat. That sounded way to sexual to be good. But – it wasn't…He was – had been, choking.

Oh God, that sounded even worse.

He scrunched his eyes shut, afraid to see the expression on Eric's face. Most likely it was one of utter disgust…Oh God. Eric was going to kiiill him. Or mock him. For life. Fuck.

The little piece of plastic was tugged gently from his mouth. Clyde breathed a sigh of relief through his nose, content now. At least that piece of garbage wasn't poking into him accusingly. Saying, "Ooh look at me. I am Clyde, and I like taco's, and I like to have big beefy man hands shoved into my moooouth~" in a voice that sounded suspiciously like miss Jennifer Lopez…

Clyde made the mistake of opening his eyes.

He should have kept them shut.

They met with Eric's, and he was startled at the dark look he found there. God, did the groan really upset him that ba-

Clyde's mind went blank as his dentists lips clashed into his.

When he got the use of his brain back, all he could think of was how unhygienic Eric was being. You know, for a dental hygienist…

*

THE END

IF IT SUCKED, LET ME KNOW

I'VE NEVER WRITTEN CLYDE BEFORE

AND HE IS A MINOR CHARACTER

SO THIS IS JUST HOW I PORTRAY HIM

SO NYER

ERERERERERERERERERERER…

ER


End file.
